So lots of plans changed with my birthday. We never ended up getting a hotel room, because that weekend was a blackout date. No discount could be used :/ I was kinda disappointed in that, but I dealt with it. It was me, Melissa and Kristina that went out. It was fun for the most part. We ended up taking the train down, and walking to Circa from Union Station. It was a 10-15min walk there, and we brought walking shoes too .. HAHA. Circa was not a disappointment, it never is.. for me at least. We stayed in the Blue Room (Skyy Lounge), only because I love the music in that room. The rest of the club is pretty amazing, but I’ve seen it all… and I got to choose since it was my bday. hehe.

On Sunday, my dad took me out for lunch at Fire and Ice. It was really yummy! You got to choose your own Vegetables, noodles and sauce. Then the chef stir-fries it for you with your choice of protein (meat). It was delicious!! I loved it. Afterwards we ate our traditional cake. It’s like a family tradition to have a birthday cake every year. But it really made me sad though that it was just my dad and I. I wish my mom was still here. When it came time to blow out my candles, it made me think of her. My wishes for the past 9 years have always been for my mom. Wish for her to get better, wish for her cancer not to come back, etc. This year I had to hold back my tears thinking about that moment. Especially thinking about last year, we had to celebrate it in the bedroom because at that point she could no longer walk down the stairs. The anniversary of her death is just a bit over a month away. I don’t know what is going to happen then..

Lately I’ve been really down, the past week, and present. A lot of shit has been going on that I’m having a hard time dealing with. Nothing that I wish to discuss in detail, but I don’t know what I’m going to do about it. I’m seriously considering therapy or something along the lines of that. I have been having really bad thoughts every night, while I’m working, and when I’m by myself. Every day it feels like it’s becoming harder and harder. I try to hid it from everyone but that isn’t going to help it. *sigh. I don’t know anymore …